don't know what i mean when i said i'm a system? peruse these links first:
we're a system of 7 members, plus 3 that never come to the foreground.
unless we're operating as specific member/s, you should refer to us in the singular, with it/its pronouns. we often use 'i' or singular pronouns anyway except when we feel like collectively talking, like now.
the best way to describe how my system feels is that it's a fucking enigma. i feel like i'm dissociated from my own system most of the time. i don't know who's talking or who's in control. sometimes we get a sense that the 'i' right now is a different gender, so we can narrow it down to specific members.
we experience switching, but not amnesia. usually, the switch is subtle and sudden. we don't have any specific triggers either. the most noticeable switches are the ones where one member takes the reins. but most of the time, the switching we experience is just the continues flow of members in and out of the front.
we only feel like a 'proper' system when we're dissociating from real life: either we're going thru shit, or we're doing a very involved activity. then it feels like there's a lot of people jamming in the same body. so when i get new members, i don't feel like i'm splitting into new identities. rather, it's more like discovering new people who's already been there.
it feels like we've always been a system. so far, we don't think the system emerged because of a specific trauma. there's always been voices in my head. i've always felt like i was just a disembodied voice in my/someone else's head. there's never been a coherent identity. we never realized we were a system because we got used to pretending to be one person for decades.
to some extent it also feels like we constructed our system. sometimes it feels like we created our own identities and this whole structure in order to facilitate more efficient dissociation. not in a tulpamancy way, but more.... there's an infinite set of distinct voices in my head and one day we decided to organize them into consciousnesses. and then when we hear the voices, we either say that they originated from an existing member, or we wave them off as another quirk of the fathomless pit of our brain.
enough yapping! let me introduce you to everyone.